Part 8

The first few weeks at my fathers seemed to be exactly what I needed, I finally after 18 years felt complete, I felt like I had a dad now, one that wasn't going to abuse me, one who loved me and who was my biological father, I didn't quite feel the connection that a father-daughter should have but it would come, wouldn't it?
I started to work at a local club and I loved it, the scene was fun, lots of guys around! This was eye-candy for an 18 year old. I started meeting guys but stayed very focused on other things so didn't really date anyone. I met a few guys that I was interested in but they were either much older or younger, I wasn't in to younger guys, which 18 year old girl is?? The attention I got at the club really was addicting, I felt like a starlett walking through the club each night, like I was the centre of attention (not to toot my own horn but I have always been somewhat attractive so I started to feel more confidence). After my shift I would go across the street to another club and dance the night away, I made friends with the DJ there and I would dance in a 'cage' type thing - I guess you could call it go-go dancing, but all clothes remained on!
My fathers step-son offered to take me on the town for the night and show me around some new places and I agreed. He was about 3 years older than I was so I agreed. We went to a movie, and a few bars in town. Then we went back to his house to watch another movie and we were sitting on his bed watching the movie when he came behind me on the couch and got super-cozy. I didn't really know what to do at that point so I kind of just went with him and we ended up having sex that night, I totally didn't want to and don't get me wrong, he didnt force me but I felt like I couldn't or didnt say no. The next day I felt really weird, I mean he wasn't blood related but he was my fathers step-son. I told his sister what had happened and she told me that she knew he liked me but didn't think he would make a pass at me so soon. I didn't really talk to him much after that because I kind of felt pressured in to it at the time even though it ultimately was my decision to go ahead.
Things at home started to get a bit awry. I started noticing things about my father that I did not like. He was constantly viewing porn on the communal computer in the living room and if I came in the room he continued to watch it?!? Weird right? He then started taking my paychecks and giving me a portion of it and said that I needed to pay room and board?? Ok he never bought me a thing in my life, never paid child support and you'd think he would want to make up for lost time, right? Nope, not in his eyes. So I started hiding my tips so that I would have some 'walking money'.
My mother called one day to tell me that my Grandfather had had a heart attack and he would be having a Quadruple by-pass and he would like to see me but he was about an hour away. I told my father I would be going and he blew up, he said I was betraying him and after all he did for me, I was going to go back to them? Well this aggravated me and it turned in to a huge fight. I told him how much I hated him and how much I resented him for not bveing a part of my life and how I didn't think it was fair that he try and be a disciplinarian now after 18 years! Basically he told me that if I went my stuff would be on the front lawn for me to pick up when I was back and he wasn't lying, they were. I never spoke to him again.
I went to see my Grandfather and I had a melt down, he looked so weak and vulnurable but he was always so tough and strong. I spent a few days there with my mom and Grandma and we all kind of mended our relationships and my mom told me she would get me an apartment/room in town if I wanted to stay and my Grandmother offered to buy me all the necessities, so I agreed. We stayed in town to apartment hunt and Sam lived in town so he knew I was there and called and asked to see me. I went to his house and ofcourse, liek old times, we had sex. He made me promises that he would change and things would be better, probably just so I would sleep with him because the next day he told me he had made a mistake and thought we should not talk anymore. I was so heartbroken, and I felt so used.
After a few days, and success in finding a room with a bunch of other girls, my mother and Grandmother left town and I was left to fend for myself for the first time. I got a job as a receptionist and started paying bills and being a 'grown-up'. I had met a guy when I lived with my father and I decided to give him a call, and we hit it off right off the bat. He was studying to be an English Professor at the local University so we got to spend a lot of time together. Let's say his name is Nate. We were more like best friends, we only had sex a few times but it wasn't a strong sexual attraction - we literally were more like friends. The relationship fizzled but we remained friends and to this day we still are friends, we have tried a few times to be more than friends but it never worked out, but you will read more about that later on.
Living on my own in a town with no friends and no family was taking its toll on me so I started going online more and meeting more people.
One day I got an email from a guy that I had met through an online dating site and he sent me a picture of himself and I thought he was so hot - totally my type, dark hair, dark eyes, olive complexion. So we emailed back and forth quite a bit and decided to meet. He lived close to my mom so I went to visit her and we were going to meet at her house. He called my cell phone and told me he was outside waiting for me, I went outside and he looked even hotter in person! Amazing body, dark hair with blonde streaks, big brown eyes, nice tan and a million-dollar smile as he often called it. We instatntly felt an attraction, both physically and emotionally. After my mom saw that he wasn't some internet predator she left to visit my Grandparents out of town. This guy, lets say his name was Nick, and I went to dinner and talked for hours! Then he took me to the local lake and we sat on the rocks by the water and talked for longer! It seemed like an eternity but we had so much in common and he made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. We kissed on the rocks but that was as far as it went and then he offered to drive me home and when we got to my moms house I asked him in, well he ended up staying the entire weekend. We didn't have sex, he actually didn't even try to at all which made me fall for him even more. We spent the weekend shopping, going to restaurants, getting to know eachother and falling very hard, very fast. At the time it felt like for the first time in my life someone made me feel beautiful, smart, funny and loved. I say loved even though we just met but even though it sounds crazy, I thought I loved him at that point. Well that weekend began a very dark chapter in my life that I will never forget.