Part 7

When we moved back to Canada, I felt lost. I had no friends, I missed Sam and my mother and I's relationship was wearing thin. My mother had a few friends here and we went to visit them for a weekend, they had a son and daughter a bit older than I was. They happened to be going to a Rave one night, I had never heard of these types of parties so I tagged along with fake I.D. that they produced in minutes. On our way there Monica asked me if I had ever smoked weed, I told her I had quite a few times and really enjoyed it (I think I left that part out in previous blog posts!) and she told me that she had a pill that when you took it, it felt like you had smoked up without the hassle of smoking a joint, it was called 'E' - naive as I was I had never heard of it so I agreed to take one. She told me we would take it in the club so we had to hide it until we got in there so I popped open my cigarette pack and started to put it in there and she told me that that wasn't going to work, I needed to put it in my bra?? I was shocked, this was all so weird for me. So we put 2 pills each in our tops - exactly where nipples should be- I just looked like I had giant nipples in my top! Needless to say it worked and we got in to the rave. As soon as we got there, we took half of a pill and started to dance, nothing happened. Monica kept asking me if I felt any different and I told her 'no'. So she told me to take the other half and I did. Well not too long after I did, I felt so inlove with everyone! I ran up to her brother and planted a big wet kiss on him and I am pretty sure I threw myself at him! Then we danced some more and it was time to leave and I felt fine, a bit emotional, but fine none-the-less.
When we got back to their house we smoked a joint as well and I guess that enhanced the 'E' because not too long after I started to 'trip' which is what Monica called it. It was the worse feeling in the world! I honestly - and don't think I am crazy - but I saw myself floating above my body! It was insane and right away I started to freak out, I told her I had to go in the house and Jack, her brother, came with me. Well I couldn't calm down, all I could think was that I was going to die! It was horrible and I made Jack sit up with me and promise me that if I fell asleep he wouldn't leave my side incase I died! Well looking back now its funny, but it wasn't funny then! So I woke up in the morning and I was in his bed, beside him, how embarassing! I mean, he was hot and everything but he was almost 5 years older than me! My mom came to pick me up and saw that I was in Jack's bed and was a bit shocked but he told her I had been sick all night so he was just watching over me. The next day I felt fine, I truly have never felt the same since though - I think its mind over matter but I think it somehow has scarred me. The honesty and guilt in me took over and on the drive home I told my mother what I had done, she was very understanding but never let me see Jack & Monica again and Im pretty sure she never spoke to their parents again either.

The next year was a whirl-wind. I was still dating Sam long-distance but it wasn';t working out because I couldnt stay faithful. Not that I was sleeping around, I just liked flirting with guys and I enjoyed 'dating' new guys. Sam decided to move to Canada to go to College and I was ecstatic! He moved to Canada a few months later and we tried to make it work but the unfaithfullness on my part was too much for him to swallow - so we went our seperate ways but remained in touch - sort of 'friends with benefits'.

My mother and I got in to a huge fight one day, to be honest I don't remember what it was about but she decided it was enough to kick me out of the house, she took all my things, packed them in bags and threw them on the front lawn. I was devastated and I didn't know what to do. My God-father came to my resuce and decided that I would come and live with him for awhile, so he went to my house, picked up my things and I moved in with him and his 2 grown children. His wife, my God-mother passed away a few years prior.

During the next few months my mother wouldn't speak to me, and also had turned my Grandparents against me so they wouldn't talk to me either. I wish I could remember what started this all but my mind is blank.

My biological father contacted my God-father to get in touch with me, which was surprising. I will fill you in on how they knew eachother - my Godfather took my father in when he was a teenager, my Godparents ran a Foster home and my father was very troubled - he was in to drugs, alcohol amongst other things.
When my father called my Godfather he told him that he would be in town in a few weeks for a family reunion and wanted me to join them and meet my uncles, aunts and cousins. I agreed and since my mother wasn't talking to me, I felt that I needed a parent so he would have to do for now.

A few weeks later my father came in to town, we went out for dinner and I met my family on his side. There was my fathers twin sister, his gay brother and his boyfriend and my alcoholic uncle! Interesting bunch to say the least. At the end of the dinner, my father told me he would like me to come and live with him in London< ontario and we could try and have the relationship we never had. I talked to my Godfather about it because I felt like since he had taken me in, I didn't want to abandon him but he was very understanding and told me that he always wanted me to have a relationship with my father so this was a good idea and if it didn't work out, he would be there waiting. So I took his advice and moved to London with my father, his new wife and her 5 year old daughter.