Part 3

This year was when my mother met her second husband, lets say his name is John. My mother was a young mother and I knew that she would eventually find someone to marry to keep her happy, it wouldn't always just be her and I.
I used to go to a babysitter after school, and there was a guy who lived in her basement, John. John was such a nice guy, or so it seemed. He always played with me but especially when my mom came to get me, obviously wanted her attention - kind of cute I guess when you think about it. The way to a single mom's heart is through her kid right?? Well John knew that. He finally figured out a way to get her to go out with him, funny as it sounds he wrote a little note to her on the back of my homework one day and she saw it later that evening, no idea what it said, I couldn't read! lol.
It must have been a good letter because the eventually started dating and we moved in to the basement apartment with him. We had a lot of fun, he seemed like the ideal catch.
I started Grade 1 that year and it wasn't good, I hated school already, I despised every day of it. On all my report cards it said 'She talks too much, she loses focus too quickly'. Well after a few appointments with specialists and counsellors my mom was told I had ADD. She says that I still have it but hey, makes me a very 'social butterfly', lol thats how I look at it.
My mom and John finally got married, I was so excited to finally have a 'daddy', I think it completed me - now I could relate to all my friends when they talked about their daddys, not to mention being so proud that I was mommy's flower girl! I remember looking at my mom on her wedding day thinking how beautiful she was, her hair, her eyes, her dress - just stunning. She was my idol, I wanted to be just like her and marry a guy just like John one day. After the reception I spent the next 2 weeks with my Grandparents - did i mention that my Grandfather was my life! He was the most wonderful person in the world, no one could compare to him! He will always be the one person in my life that truly touched my heart. *tearing up* as you will read I lost my Grandfather awhile ago, I still am not over it, I guess we never get over losing loved ones.

So when I was about 7 years old, John hit me for the first time and my mother took pictures of the bruises. I really can't remember why he did or how it happened but I remember how old I was. John told my mother how sorry he was that he lost his temper and how horrible he feels and it will never, ever happen again. Of course, in love as she was she believed him, she thought it was a one-time thing - boy was she wrong! Now that I have a child, I still do not understand HOW you let someone hurt your child physically and do nothing about it, I would leave my husband this very day if he hurt our child.

A few years later, my mom and John had a son, lets say his name is Michael. I was so excited to have a brother, I really wanted a sister but hey I figured I would settle for a brother! Not long after Michael came along, the abuse from John towards me became a lot worse, he was never physically abusive to my mother, not at this point anyway.
The following year my Great-Grandmother passed away and my mother had to go to the funeral but someone had to stay with Michael and I so John did.
Here's a poem I wrote for my Greatgrandmother (You will notice that I like to write poems, not very good at them but I will share them with you through out my blog):
'Heaven'
Heaven is a cloud
So beautiful and white
All fantasies come true
There is no wrong and right.
If I die, I hope thats where I go
I'll go in peace, I'll never have woe.
Theres fairies and angels
Puppies and cats
Unicorns and horses
What do you think about that?
I'll go to see my Grandma
She'll watch out for me
I'll go to a garden
That has a magical key.
In this garden
Theres roses without prickles
Theres animals that only ticke.
When I die
I will be old
But when I go to heaven
I will always be young.

Cheesy I know but I was 9! lol

Every thing I did or said that week seemed to upset John and in turn he became abusive towards me, he would hit me in the back of the head, hit me with a belt, hit me with a hanger - pretty much any way he could be abusive he did, not to mention numerous times telling me I was his daughter - for a child that hurts emotionally because I longed for a father and even through the abuse - I loved John, I thought of him as my father.
One day while my mother was away John told me I had to scrub the floor in the kitchen on my hands and knee's (please keep in mind that I was 9 years old) and there was not to be a speck of dirt on the floor. I remember him kicking me repeatedly when I was slacking off, as most 9 year olds would do. I just remember thinking that I wanted my mother to come home, I thought she would be able to make him stop. He went down to the funeral for a couple of days and I was so relieved that he would be gone and I wouldnt have to endure the abuse for a few days at least. When my mother and John got back from the funeral I was so happy to see my mommy, I missed her so much. I didn't tell her what John had done as I was scared that she wouldn't believe me or that he would hurt me even more - I was just so glad that she was home.

One particular episode of abuse stays in my head even though I was so young. I had gone to my neighbours house to play because she got a 'skip-it' (do you remember those?? So cool!!) and I wanted to play with it. I was gone for about 3 hours and upon my return I walked in and John hit me in the back of my head and pulled off his belt. The welts from the belt were so sever that (it was summer) I had to wear turtle necks and long pants. The neighbour suspected something and she asked me over to the house for lunch, when I got there she asked me to reach for a glass for myself and as I did the back of my shurt raised up and she could see the welts from John. She didn't say anything at the time but she went over to my house and spoke to my mother, she told her that they were going camping and wanted to know if I could go with them. I still remember the look on my mothers face, I think she knew that they had suspected that I was being abused. My mother convinced John to let me go and I was so excited to go camping, I had never been so I packed my suitcase and ran over to their house. When I got there, they told me that we wouldn't be going camping but they wanted me to stay at their house with them, lights off and curtains closed. I think she had a talk with my mother because my mother called and spoke to me, she told me she knew we were not camping and that she knew they were 'hiding' me so that I wouldn't get hurt anymore. She told me she had talked to John and he would never hurt me again. By the end of that year my mother and John decided to seperate, not too sure of all the reasons, but I like to think the abuse contributed to her decision. John was originally from Portugal so he moved back to Portugal to pursue his business.
My mother dated a few guys over the next year but nothing serious, she still loved John. She decided to go and visit John in Portugal to try and reconcile. When she came back she told my brother and I that we would be moving to Portugal and her and John were reconciling their marriage, I felt crushed but she ensured me that he had time to think and that he had changed.