I have been wanting to do this for such a long time but never mustered up the courage but in the light of the while Rihanna/Chris Brown issue I felt like it is time to try and reach as many people as possible.
I am in my late 20's and what a life it has been so far, the up's have been great but the down's have been mind-altering. Unfortunately when these things happen it can effect us forever in our daily lives and especially when we are alone, I find this is the hardest time for me I find, when I am lying in bed and my better half is sleeping - my mind seems to race and my thoughts are uncontrollable. I know I am not the only one in life that has had these things happen but I do believe talking or blogging actually will help in my healing process and maybe I will touch some people's lives and help them in their healing process, I figure if I could help 1 person I have accomplished something great!
Recently I started seeing a Psychologist about my problems and when he asked me why I was there I truly didn't know where to start, it seems like I could talk for hours but only had 1 hour to tell him everything so I found myself rambling and I was all over the place but when I was done he asked me 'How did that feel? Letting it all out?' and i didn't realize how good it would have felt but after holding it in for over 20 years, I felt such a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I hope to feel even better about this from blogging and hopefully help a few people along the way.
There is so much for me to blog about that I am going to write on here daily but I will start from my early age and daily I will update as I get older. So a snapshot of what to come - I will be blogging about sexual abuse, physical abuse as a child and as an adult, emotional abuse, relationship and family abuse, not knowing and not having a relationship with a father, strained relationship with a mother and 4 years of being stuck in a relationship with all forms of abuse including physical, emotional and being sexually degraded.
I wish to remain anonymous as there are too many people out there that tend to judge us and a few people I do not want to hurt.
So where do I start, my mother got married at a very young age (17 years old) to her high school sweetheart and the relationship soon became abusive, both physically and emotionally. After a year of marriage my mother got pregnant with me and was so ecstatic to have a child. After about 2 years of enduring abuse after I was born my mother decided to leave my father, and set out to live a life as a single mom - determined to do so despite how hard it was going to be. Unfortunately my father didn't play a big part in my life, never really did but as you will read later on, I did try at one point to have this relationship. My mother tried to allow my father to see me even though she had sole-custody, but it didnt seem like he wanted anything to do with me as a daughter. He had remarried and was raising 3 children that were not his but his biological daughter wasn't in his eyes good enough to be a part of his life. So after a visit with him at the age of 4 he dropped me at my mothers door step and I didnt see nor hear from him again until I was 16 years old. I sent him numerous cards, letters, pictures etc but never got a response. Being a parent myself now, I cannot understand how you would want nothing to do with your child?? I love my child so unconditionally and cannot imagine life without him/her and to boot he was raising someone else's 3 children so it wasn't that he didn't want children in his life, he was just an asshole I guess!
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